Over 22 years ago, I noticed that I was getting angrier and angrier at the incompetent drivers I encountered so frequently and decided that, as they were not going to change, I would have to change. I gave my car to my daughter, who had just passed her driving test. I have never regretted it. I have now decided to stop reading the news headlines for similar reasons - I don't like the effect it has on me. It distracts me from what I really want to focus on: my experience of peace and clarity.
Clarity has shown me what is truly meant by the term "Maya". The illusion that others follow have no attraction for me any more.
Yesterday I had a meeting with a person working in a small hospice, where the focus is on what really matters - people. Later I met an old lady who is suffering from initial memory loss, and she wanted to donate money to me as a present. I declined - I have everything I need. So my next steps are volunteering at the hospice and becoming a prison visitor. That makes sense to me as a human being.
I have to bridge the gap between now and when I can actually start these tasks.
I think I'll put some effort into music-making with the software I have. I'm looking for a suitable theme to inspire me. Currently, I am reading about the life and teachings of Guru Nanak, who clearly sees the world in the same way as me, but with a great deal more commitment and clarity than I have - just as Prem Rawat does. The more I read and the more I listen, the clearer things become. Letting go of all I know of this world is a lot tougher that I expected. Ramakrishna puts it succinctly by saying the problem is Lust and greed, in whatever form. And recently Lust has been less attractive than in the past and greed for things I have let go mostly, but there is always a remnant which isn't even noticed.
I describe this in the following way: here in Switzerland, many farms have the dung heap on a concrete base next to the house. Just as we have the crap inside of us. To get rid of that, I can take a pitchfork and get rid of the large heap fairly rapidly. Then there is a remnant, which can be swept up and removed, but then there are the deep brown stains on the base left to deal with. I can scour that with hot water and soap and more will be gone, but there are still some stains left, deep in the concrete and years old, and these are really hard to remove. What is that stain? They are the first bits of indoctrination we get as a baby, growing up: do this, don't do that, this is the right way, what will others think, etc. All these little bits of brainwashing we receive growing up, are so ingrained, that they are hard even to spot. And it is these that I expect the rest of my life to be concerned with.
Why bother? Because I treasure joy, peace and clarity far more than anything else.
“Enjoy this life; enjoy this time. Do not become alienated from the heart, from the joy, from the peace.” —Prem Rawat
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