What Do Others Think of Me, and Is It Important?
How much of what I do and say is driven by what others might think of me? Why do we often prioritize these perceptions over what our heart tells us is the right thing to say or do? These are questions that have lingered in my mind and perhaps in yours as well. The answers aren’t always easy to confront, but they hold the key to living authentically.
The truth is, my heart has its own sense of what is right—a compass unaffected by the opinions of others. Yet, another undeniable truth is that most people don’t actually care what I say or do. The judgment I fear often exists only in my head. It’s not a real dialogue with others, but rather an internal monologue shaped by years of conditioning. And I’ve noticed this behaviour is not unique to me. Many of us act as though we are under constant observation, feeling the pressure to conform to some imagined norm. But where does this pressure come from, and why do we allow it to dictate our actions?
At its core, this behaviour is rooted in fear—fear of judgment, rejection, or alienation. Fear, however, is the worst advisor possible. When fear dictates our actions, we lose touch with ourselves and become actors in a play written by others. Not letting fear rule our choices requires courage—the courage to be oneself. But here’s the catch: being oneself first demands that we know who we truly are. That’s no small task.
From the moment we are born, our thoughts and behaviours are shaped by external influences. Parents, teachers, peers, media—all play a role in creating the mental framework through which we view the world. While some of this conditioning is necessary for navigating society, much of it consists of opinions and beliefs passed down by people who, themselves, may not know who they are. This realization is both sobering and liberating. If most of what we believe has been shaped by others, it means we have the power to question, unlearn, and rebuild.
The heart’s guidance, on the other hand, is untainted by these external layers. It whispers truths that resonate deeply, often cutting through the noise of fear and societal expectation. The challenge lies in listening to it. Doing so requires us to quiet the mental chatter and trust that what we feel is valid—even if it goes against the grain. This isn’t about being reckless or disregarding others entirely; it’s about making choices aligned with our authentic selves.
Living authentically is not always easy. It demands daily effort and the courage to face discomfort. We may fear losing relationships or facing criticism. But the alternative—living a life dictated by external expectations—is far more draining. Pretending to be someone we’re not is exhausting. The energy we spend maintaining a facade could be used to nurture our true selves.
The irony is that the people we fear judgment from are often too preoccupied with their own struggles to notice or care about ours. The spotlight we imagine shining on us is, more often than not, a figment of our imagination. Realizing this can be freeing. It allows us to shift our focus from pleasing others to understanding and embracing ourselves.
So, how do we begin this journey toward authenticity? First, by recognizing the patterns of fear and conditioning that influence our actions. Second, by giving ourselves permission to question these patterns and let go of what no longer serves us. And finally, by practising courage—courage to follow our heart’s guidance even when it feels risky. Each small act of courage builds a foundation for greater freedom and peace.
In the end, what others think of us is far less important than what we think of ourselves. By prioritizing the heart over fear, we reclaim our power and begin to live in a way that is true to who we are. The world may or may not notice, but the reward lies in the joy and clarity that come from being authentic. That, I believe, is worth everything.
